When Monkey was small, I had the joy of staying home with him for his first summer. I was able to spend my days teaching him, playing with him, feeding him, changing him, bathing him, and trying to stop the cat from torturing him.
The days were exhausting, and money was very tight. It took my dear husband 6 long weeks to find a job after we moved in. But by the grace of God we made it through the summer, and by the grace of God I made it through each day.
I'm not one of those moms whose lifelong dream was to have a ton of kids, and then stay home and raise them. No. My goals were much different before I met Hubs, and before Monkey was even a thought in our minds.
I dreamed of a career. I actually wanted to go into Police work, or something else in the Criminal Justice field. I thought "I will work, and IF we have kids, my HUSBAND will stay home with them." I never thought that I would want a huge family, or that there would be a time when I would want to stay home to raise my kids.
That was before Monkey was born.
I still dream of a career, but now I'm more focused on building a business I can do from home. And I love Monkey and would love as many more blessings as God decides to give us. The biggest change in my mindset is that I DESIRE to stay home and raise my child.
NOTE: I am not saying that all mothers have this same mindset, I know a few mothers who feel it is their calling to be in the workplace and not in the home.
I'm not a perfect mother. There are days when I'd like to leave my kid for a few hours (or more)... There are days when I wonder if I'm insane for wanting more kids... There are days when Monkey drives me SO crazy I contemplate the use of Tylenol as a sedative...
But there are also times when I see him sleeping peacefully at the end of the day, or when he calls to me if he gets hurt, or when he laughs at his own little joke and his whole face lights up... those moments that make my heart ache with love for him remind me that the hard times are brief, but all the good times I have are shorter than the blink of an eye...
So for today I'll take the moments when he runs around the house yelling, when he eats his crayons instead of his lunch, when he poops in the tub and then plays with it, when he empties out his full dresser onto the floor for the third time... And I'll remember how blessed I am to have such a healthy little boy.
And then I'll take an evening off, shower, do my hair and makeup... and I'll go to the grocery store. I'll look at the other kids behaving just like mine, and I'll smile at their moms. I'll take my time checking my fruit, I'll even go up the cereal aisle just to experience shopping without tantrums....
Because when I was a new mom "going out" meant a trip to the grocery store... and in those first few months when my ONLY alone time was spent browsing the frozen food section, life was simpler. I realized through the tough financial times that I am so blessed to be able to CHOOSE what I buy instead of relying on the Food Bank. It's nice to keep the perspective of blessing when my mind is filled with complaints...
And honestly, don't ask why, but grocery shopping just relaxes me.
~A
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